The adjustment period parenting with my husband to being by myself was challenging to say the least. In those first three months we talked everything over. We had each other to bounce ideas off of (and google). We can do this child rearing thing! Then came the time for him to leave for school, and I had huge anxiety about even the simplest of things. How will I put her to sleep? What if she cries all night, he won't be there to rock her to sleep with his magic arms! He was just a phone call away, but due to his crazy school schedule I rarely could get him on the phone when I needed a quick decision. I had to make big decisions on my own. Throughout that time I was just hoping that I was doing the right thing by her. I had no one here to judge or to correct me if I was doing something wrong, so with each milestone she hit it reassured Mama that she was indeed going about this whole parenting thing somewhat right. I eventually gained confidence (and called my bestie and MIL quite a few times), and really started to feel like I had a grasp on taking care of a baby by myself.
Being a first time parent is nerve wrecking and amazing all at the same mind-blowing time. Motherhood this first year was pretty good to me. Norah made it pretty easy and enjoyable mostly. She slept through the night starting at 3 weeks old ,breastfed like a champ, and my work schedule was extremely forgiving for Norah's sick days, appointments and breast pumping sessions.
As a first time Mom I never realized how many things could keep you up at night until you had a little human to grow, mold and ensure it's ready for the real world in 18 years. I worried a lot about future obstacles she'll have to overcome and learn on her own. I worry about another person she loves breaking her heart. I worry about how she'll handle school, and if she'll have good friends to keep her grounded. And this is usually just in the first 5 minutes as I'm trying to fall asleep. Motherhood is wonderful too though. Her conquered goals and happy moments are mine. When she first crawls or realizes she can roll over and looks at me with pride...man those are the moments I feel as if my heart will quite literally burst from my chest and cover us all in sticky love goop. When those little hands reach for me, or when she ever so delicately coos "Mama"....I live and cry for those moments. I shower her with affection every chance I get. I tell her she's strong and brave almost daily and encourage her with every new bout of independence she gets. I love her more than I love myself. Norah June has completely changed, softened, and molded my inner most being into a Mother that I hoped I'd become. She quite literally completes me. I thought I had everything before she came along, but now I know. I know.
I've loved this first year as a Mother. Everything is new for the both of us. Norah sure doesn't know what's going on, and neither do I at this point. She's the first baby I've raised and all the milestones, phases and periods are so new to all of us. It's exciting! Next time around my husband and I will be parent veterans and we'll know a little bit more of what to expect. That reassures me and saddens me a bit. I have loved experiencing all this for the first time. My husband though will definitely be experiencing months 3-10 for the first time next baby, and I'm really looking forward to that. I hope to continue to be the best Mother to Norah that I can be. I'll never stop trying or feel like I'm "The Best", but maybe we're never meant to. I hope I can continue to be whatever and whoever she needs. Motherhood rocks, and I'm so happy to have joined the club.
We survived One Year As Parents!
