Quarter Seems Like Eternity

It's been about 3 months since my husband left me for his year long adventure away from home. This first quarter has been hard. I feel myself turning into this person that I don't want to be. I cry at the littlest of things (song in the grocery store, commercial on TV, article in the news). I get anxiety now every time I go to the airport, whether I'm getting on the plane myself or picking someone up, it doesn't matter. I've had so many sad moments there that if effects me even when I'm not dropping him off. I toss and turn at all hours of the night. I also find myself turning to food a lot, which is a bad habit to start, so that's been a challenge as well.

I also find myself becoming bitter, and that's the last thing I want. I see on FB people bragging about dates with their husbands, holidays, and cute banter back and forth and it really makes me want to cancel my fb for the rest of this deployment. I get sad, jealous and then bitter because I know we're missing out on that. So forgive me if I slowly detach myself away from social media.

Compared to my families and friend's past deployments I expected to communicate often with my husband. Well that's not quite the case. We can't Skype  and I'll be lucky to get a phone call 2-3 times a month. I'm angry at the fact that we always seem to have to do everything the most hardest way possible. When my buddy deployment he and his gf skyped every night. When my BIL deployed they were always in constant communication.  I want that. Eh, guess it's time to learn you don't always get what you want. I knew this wasn't going to be easy...but I never thought it'd be this rough. In all the preparation materials the military gives you, it states that it's essential for the left-behind member to have a great support team. Sadly we moved away from that right before he deployed. I feel like we did everything you weren't suppose to to prepare for this. When my husband was gone all the time while we lived in TX, it was ok. I had a GREAT support system with my friends there. I also had family and friends visit often. Here, I have no friends or family and I recommend no one do what we did if you can help it. I believe if I had that physical support system that this first 3 months wouldn't have been so damn rough. Ok, enough bitching.

The good thing here is that I'm recognizing all of this and doing things about it. I will finally be home for good next week (the AF sent me away for a month), so hopefully a good solid routine will establish itself at work. I have a half marathon to train/eat well for and that is always time consuming. I also have finally made a friend here. Her husband gets in this week but I'm hoping we can still hang out and have dates. Also, I think I will start up my first garden. I'm all about saving money and eating healthy, AND with all this time on my hands it seems like a great project to start. I am a positive person. I will try to keep looking to the bright side of all things. I will keep my chin up. Luckily, I still have that light at the end of this dark tunnel.