We survived, and can now live to tell the tale. I've been working on this blog for awhile...a summary and look back on our hardest experience to date. My husband's last deployment and my first and only as a military spouse. Keep in mind this is only from my perspective, the spouse.
316 days apart
This adventure started in Texas, where I put my husband on the plane that would start that awful countdown. We were stationed there for my military duty, and I had just entered into my last stressful chapter of school when I had to say adios to my biggest support system. Looking back on it now, I'm amazed at how strong I was. I still graduated, said goodbye to my family I forged there and trekked over 1500 miles solo halfway across the US with our household, 2 cats, 1 snake and my dog to embark on a completely new life alone. Even when I left home for the first time, I left with my best friend at the time. We headed to college together and we were each other's support system. I've lived alone before, but never in a location where I didn't know anyone, so this was all new to me.
I found a house I hoped he'd like, started up a new job and tried my best to get out of bed everyday with a happy face. It so didn't help that it was the holiday season, so getting through my first one, Thanksgiving, among a sea of cardboard boxes and empty walls alone was one of the toughest times I remember.
After that came Christmas when finally we caught a break. He was allowed home for 72 hours! We ate up every minute and made valuable memories. I couldn't have been more grateful.
Of course then came our anniversary, NYE, my birthday, VDay, etc...they all passed relatively the same. I'd get a call and be ecstatic. Throughout the whole deployment we only got to talk for about 30 minutes at a time, about 2-3 times a month. We never skyped and he only got mail out twice to me because of the difficulty he had. Communication was a tricksy mistress. I expected us to facetime, skype and talk 2-3 times a week, and when it didn't happen it was the biggest letdown. It was beyond our control, so we put on our big boy/girl panties and made the best of it.
His mother made this inventive fb group so that we could track what was sent him in way of care packages. He loved receiving them. He always told me it made him feel like Christmas. I tried to send him one every 2-4 weeks.
Eventually I found a new normal, established a great routine that kept me entirely busy and involved in everything besides missing my husband. I coped by distracting myself. I started my master's, worked overtime, started up new hobbies like painting, joined a running club, ran numerous 5k/10k's, and found new friends to occupy the weekends. It worked. I adapted nicely.
As far as homecoming, he got jerked around quite a bit which was incredible frustrating for the impatiently waiting spouse. It was completely unknown when he would return and in fact it first was the early summer, then became late summer, then late fall...it was all over the place.
Finally, he made it back home. Again, still working on his homecoming story, sorry it's taking me so long! Now comes the unwinding of the carefully established routine and walls that I struggled to build strong. It's hard diming down the independency and allowing yourself to need someone again, when you needed to not need them to survive. It's a challenge I'm embracing with open arms. Life isn't meant to be lived always with emotional walls so thick and independency so strong that no one else can penetrate. I needed those walls for 316 days, and finally now I can break them down. I love my husband so much...he's definitely worth all these emotional roller coasters.
No matter how we individually got through each day, month, year...we are ending this adventure together. Stronger and hungry for a future together. We believe these upcoming years will be some of our most happy, most rewarding and full of the most change we've ever experienced. Most importantly, we're taking this all on hand-in-hand. Together. In-love and as survivors. We survived this awful time apart. I rediscovered who I lost when I married my husband. This time apart reverted me to my "pre-marraige" self...fiercely independent, self-reliant and self-sustaining. I had to.
I rediscovered who I lost when I married my husband, but most importantly really learned why I gave much of it up and let myself depend on someone. In sacrificing my stubborn, iron-clad independence, I gained an amazing life partner. I gained an amazing life, that I couldn't be more in love with, and now because of this deployment, appreciate so much more.
