Life is Hard

We knew a year ago when we decided to start trying for a family that this time in our lives would come.  We knew my husband needed to continue on through law school in another state.  We knew the Air Force would make me and baby stay put until I could separate in April 2016.

This knowledge still didn't make saying goodbye this morning any easier.

When I was younger and would day dream about motherhood I never once pictured it with me raising an infant completely alone away from my husband, family or friends.  Well here I find myself in that exact situation.  I feel blessed knowing our daughter won't remember an ounce of this hard time.  I feel mad, scared and extremely sad that I have to do this alone for the next 8 months.  I feel jealous of all my other friends that have their perfect families together and enjoying life with each other.  I feel alone.  I feel weak and I hate that feeling most of all.

I'm going to try my damnedest to be everything I can for my sweet Norah.  Nothing in the world can replace my amazing husband when it comes to raising her, but I'm going to try to fill in where he left off.

This man of mine has been an AMAZING father and husband.  He set up my breast pump and showed me how to use it when our babe was only days old and needed supplementation.  He got up EVERY morning before I would to change the baby before I would feed her.  He would bathe her alone every night to allow me a chance at a quiet shower or time to walk the dog alone.  He worked tirelessly to get our baby to take a bottle for daycare.  And with a heavy heart he's decided to miss out on our child's first year so that he can provide for all of us in the near future.  He's done all of this and more with the biggest smile, and never with me asking him to do any of it.  I sure don't deserve a man of this caliber, but our sweet daughter sure does.

We have benchmarks set up every 4-6 weeks so that too much time doesn't pass without some attempt at family time since we all know babies don't keep.  We have daily FaceTime dates in our future and I promised him to keep the pictures flowing.  Here's hoping I can keep my family afloat, healthy and in one piece until we finally are able to live together again.

Please keep our little family in your thoughts.  We're both taking on so much these next few months.  I know my house won't be clean.  I won't have time for social media like I once did.  Hell I don't even know if the gym will see my face much.  Reach out to us.  We really do appreciate it.

At least this is the last countdown we'll ever have.  That's worth smiling about for sure.