Deployment Aftershocks

Just like last year, I'm kicking off this new year with more school! I have training in Texas again, except this time no Zeus...or Kit. We decided it was best for him not to come with me since we'd have to board Zeus for 7 weeks (pricey!), and he's almost landed a job at home. This decision came surprisingly pretty hard for both of us, especially since it's been less than three months since he's been home.

Not sure if other spouses go through this after a long, emotionally taxing deployment, but when we found out I'd have to leave for 7 weeks my mind went right back into that mode when I had to send my husband off overseas. I felt anxiety, sadness and half my brain kept saying, "We'll be separated again for so long, it's going to be tough, very little communication, etc." when in all actuality it's only 7 weeks. Easy after being apart for almost 11 months, and this is what the other half of my brain was saying. One half of my brain is emotionally battling the other half of my hysteric brain, and it was an emotional roller coaster those couple days before I flew out. I found myself having to soothe myself, weird right? "Andie, we'll have FaceTime, daily calls and texts..." At times I felt like poor Smegal! Again, I was pretty grateful for my understanding husband. He soothed me and made me feel a lot better about leaving, and hey what are best friends for?

Once I arrived and settled I started feeling better. I even spoke to another classmate who really brought me back to reality. They're married with two kids and just returned from a deployment in September. After they finish this training they're heading straight back overseas for a year long tour with no stop off at home and with only a four month break to recoup. This really made me realize that it could be worse, much worse and to just take deep breaths and calm that side of my crazy brain.

I know that I'm a strong person, but sometimes a girl just has her tough moments. Sometimes something that would seem relatively easy, grows into a mountain that seems impossible to climb. I'm just incredibly grateful for the gentle support and understanding people I have in my life. They're my ropes that I never knew I needed to climb these "mountains", and I couldn't ask for better quality.

I know experiences we go through in life shape and mold us into who we are in the present. I'll just have to work a little harder than usual to not let my husband's deployment after-effects affect me negatively. One step at a time!