What To Expect When You're Expecting

What to expect when you're expecting your first year of law school as a couple? 

This was our first question when we found out this was really what we were going to be doing for the next three years. It's funny because when we were embarking on the active duty military life for the first time we didn't need any explanations. My husband already had a good grasp on it, and I had family members to turn to to ask questions if need be. This territory is all new to us. So of course, I googled law school spouse blogs (yes they actually exist), while my husband read up through books and articles the harsh reality of what he's about to do.

First thing that popped up was the divorce rate for law students. No bueno...but neither is the divorce rate for military couples so we quickly shrugged it off. I read a lot about what to expect from your spouse, being that the first year is usually the hardest. I read things like they'll be "working" 60-70 hours a week, so make sure you keep up things like the household duties, cooking, etc. Keep the marriage alive with fun dates to take their minds off the stress while realizing law school in only 3 years long and your marriage is a lifetime, so keep it in perspective. Be patient with their frustration levels. Most law students are accustomed at being the top 10% of their college graduating class, and they've "figured out" their learning style and were highly successful at it. Law school rocks their world in that sense to the core. I read and liked this excerpt:

"To begin with, first year law school classes actually disrupt the learning process. The manner in which the classes are taught lends a net negative pedagogic benefit -- students lose ground by attending classes. The ABA (American Bar Association) has made class attendance mandatory. So excellent students go from learning easily and really enjoying it to being disrupted and finding classes painful. Next, college seniors in the to 10% or so of their classes are used to being respected and well treated by their professors. They are used to consideration, patience and respect. First year law class professors consider the students untried raw meat, 95% worthless. The change is often a dramatic shock for students.

Finally, 90% of the class will not be in the top ten percent. That seems pretty obvious, but in most law schools, 90% of the class (or more) is used to being in the top 5% (or top 1%). For most students, law school means that they will have failed (since not being in the top 10% means failure to them). Worse, the grading method in law school is extremely arbitrary and guarantees a result more random than fair (especially in the first year when all the important grades, rankings, admissions to co-curricular programs and 1st clerk ships are all determined)."

After all our reading, we surprisingly still want to go through with this. Crazy huh? In some ways us being hundreds of miles away might be a blessing. My husband won't feel that underlying pressure to spend time with me when he should be studying. When we DO get time in person together it'll be quality time with no distractions. Down sides, he'll have to do his own cooking, laundry and cleaning but I'm sure he'll welcome those little study breaks when the time comes. 

In some ways the reading has eased our minds about what's to come, and in other ways it intimidates us. Luckily, we've faced challenges similar to this before and come out on top. We will focus on the positive, celebrate EVERY semester he's accomplished as it comes and continue to support each other even if it's from a distance. We'll embrace the suck, keep everything in perspective, and never stop communicating. Ah the power of positive thinking!